{3 minutes to read} Do you feel that you have repeated disagreements with a loved one? We all experience conflict or disagreements with loved ones and at times, our attempts to resolve the conflict or disagreement are not successful. Here are a few tips that can help you begin to improve your ability to resolve conflicts:
1. Focus on the Problem
Often in conflicts we become overly focused on the other person and may even make comments that are hurtful to him/her. Maintaining focus on the problem, and less on the person, can help us focus on solutions.
It is often helpful to brainstorm all possible solutions to a problem before judging the solutions. Once you brainstorm all possibilities, judge the pros and cons of each potential solution in order to determine which is the best. Then evaluate the outcome to determine if that is a solution you may use again in the future.
2. Take a Time-Out
Knowing when to take a time-out is crucial, especially when a disagreement has become verbally aggressive. Create a funny code word that you and the other person both agree to use when a disagreement begins to escalate. When the word is called, both parties agree to stop the argument.
Be careful to not avoid the topic. Discuss it again when you are both calm. The person that uses the time-out word can be the one to start the discussion again when things have calmed down.
3. Reflective Listening
Reflective listening is particularly useful to practice during disagreements because we often do not take the time to hear and understand what the other person is saying. Instead we are focused on what we will say next.
Reflective listening is when you hear and interpret what the other person is saying and repeat it back to him/her in your own words based on your interpretation. This gives the other person the opportunity to clarify what he/she is saying and to feel heard and understood.
Additionally, it will enhance your ability to understand the other individual better.
4. “I” Statements
Sometimes when we are in disagreements, we get stuck in a pattern of blaming others or pointing out behaviors that we do not like, based on how they make us feel. When we do this, we may be met with defensiveness from the other person.
An example of using an “I” statement would be: “I feel angry when you do not take out the trash” as opposed to “You never take out the trash!” In the first sentence we are taking responsibility for our emotions and are likely to be met with less defensiveness from the other person than if we used the more accusatory second sentence.
These are just a few tips that can assist you in your quest to resolve conflict with others. Additionally, cognitive behavioral therapy can assist you in resolving longstanding and more complex conflicts.
Reference: Relationship Conflict Resolution. (2013). Retrieved from www.TherapistAid.com
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